Freefall-lphlogiston Through Hilbert's Hotel
leashed un 2021-07-13 AM

originally dreamt within 2021-01-25 \pm one week
reconstructed at least three days later

did not awake from multiple impacts, arguably due to
bracing self as described at end of Angels&Demons

setting: endless construction site of hotel, open at
ground floor, excavations below and babylon above

fell from construction floors, where state
indistinguishable from artwork gallery,
accidentally into billionaire voyeurist corridor
surrounding executive conference chamber;
absailed to lobby, walked to dining hall for meal
where encountered three from TAU; interrupted
their table, dragged by their race to street,
where occurs unpaved sand hell nightmare awakening.


The nightmare's closing details are recalled easily, despite the weeks elapsed, both sober and otherwise, and the deliberate omission of their precise description at the time. Instead of boring you with the horrors, let's pretend that you wanted guidance in finding more pleasant and interesting reading material; provided that one of the students had a copy of a properly detailed physics textbook, I'd recommend that one chapter I can never seem to find on time, although I always know exactly where it should be: right between the ones about applied thermodynamics of compressible fluids, and spectroscopy.

The Confederate Bunny's Pet Canary
leashed un 2021-01-03 sunrise, behind concrete

This file was a draft, of a comment, for an article, for a site, that still exists! Although, it doesn't do much these days, because there's really not much news to report, these days, is there?

<i><b>squelch</b> diss ting awhn?</i>

For readers whose education, as did my own, included
insufficient emphasis on numerical literacy in general,
and specifically, the roles of different averages:

Most importantly, I must emphasize that the image does not
include the origin; the practical consequence of this
conscious choice is that viewers are able to perceive subtle
differences in a process that, during the time examined,
displayed rather small variation: one so small as to be
almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

In order to draw conclusions from statistics that include
both numeric and arithmetic mean, one must first consider
exactly of what the sampled population consisted: in this
case, blocks, bucketed in <a
href="#How_often_does_the_network_difficulty_change.3F">
consecutive sets of 2016</a>; and the numerical aspect of
each population member that was treated as datum: in this
case,

As you can probably tell by now, I have learned too much, studied too much, done too much, drunk too much, said too much, and rationally plan to kill myself within a decade.

Face-Free Recognizer[blee Human; Edges Sharp!]
leashed un 2021-01-03 morning birdsong

It's not much; definitely not enough for an effort at reconstructing the truth, however alleged you may allege mine be, nor should I give details sufficient to place the geography, leaving instead only cues for those who recognize, and voynichal salad for those who don't.

;;;;;
title: Greenshifted Spake From The Head,
or: How I Learned To Worry STOP
tags: school, people, truth, geography, prose
date: 2020-11-02
;;;;;

This one's dedicated  to the school-girl-city
who reminded me, during an expected interdiction
of my  restless pacing  through the  both sleepy
and  ambullomutationally hollow  suburb, at  the
north of its tidal  sewage, open to the freshest
swills  of  the   Ostajhian  Puddle,  where  the
innocent and guilty frolick alike through desert
dunes, paved and tarred lanes, and under rooftop
weather vanes,  that although dogs go,  and cats
me-ouch, too,  and snails  die under  John's Old
Brown Shoe, one must never forget that goats can
eat, bleat, climb, rhyme, and have an all-around
jolly good time.

Although I must acknowledge honorable mention
to  those   who  have  encouraged   me,  through
ridicule,  anger,  incredulous faith,  and  most
importantly, dance-free safe,  that although the
most  important techologies  are  those that  no
sane green  man, while he patrols  the Corridors
of  Time,  should  expect to  find  absent  when
falling through a one-way floor, there are a few
that work no more.

Instead  of  pretending   to  understand  the
broken  symmetries  of   the  vector  guage,  as
normalized   relative   to   few-dozen-component
Johnson  noise across  a hand's  span of  mostly
empty  printed circuit  boards,  I  will tell  a
story that never happened,  about a soldier that
my brother quite  possibly personally instructed
in  every important  skill of  the variety  that
keeps certain  cases alive, certain  cases dead,
and avoids shooting uncertain dire wolves in the
head;   and   for  the   unavoidably   pervasive
imposition that words  describe actions, instead
of  merely patterning  the  shape  of the  world
across flat  space, and mapping  the projections
sattallittic onto oblate  spheroids without ever
considering  whether  the Integral  Trees  could
consider the  unidirectionality of  time's arrow
as  mathematical certainty,  I will  continue my
avoidance of  scalable vector  graphics, bitmaps
both compressed  and chromatically  reduced, and
include    a   small    amount   of    paragraph
justification  for  purposes   of  allowing  the
prosecutors  a  sideband,   through  which  they
invariably accuse  me of wasting fuel  for music
school; and I reserve in the hearts and minds of
the architects untimed one special place for the
invariable  case, computationally  equivalent to
the Axiom  of Choice, wherein the  world's shape
is described in  softly spoken direction cosines
and aggressively murdered men.
leashed un 2020-09-17

If you are not, nor have ever been, in the public service, you are advised to read no further; furthermore, if you have been in the public service for a time so short that it left no impression on your identity, and especially if your service was in enforcement branches other than the blues, you are also advised to stop reading. Now that my audience consists primarily of military veterans, medical professionals, and the various branches of police, I proceed:

It is difficult to determine what is permitted, and what is prohibited, in regards to cardiovascular ventures lasting longer than one kilometre, roundtrip. Since this fact is quite distressing, and since I wish the dispensation of advice to last no longer than absolutely necessary, my only advice to those who kept reading, regardless of whether they complied with the previous paragraph's advice, is the less frequent of the two imperatives yelled at me from George Herbert Mangan's window, during the late hours of morning classes:

   GHM:   DOAN GIT ARRESTID!

Getting arrested -- that is, detained, interrogated, and subsequently released after legal proceedings -- is a wonderful way to increase the town's cumulative viral load for the days in question, and what's worse, it comes almost entirely at the expense of others.

Friends, at an intersection
leashed un 2019-12-26

We'd run past the same stadia enough times to know each other both by name and face, although I doubt that my current recollection of this encounter survived the decade intact, and in fact, its very existence is quite likely creditable to an unbroken chain of mutual recommendations leading to an unexpected observation, appointment, and interview, necessarily not in that order. At an hour less common for such nearly missed collisions, than those more frequently attributed to chance alone, we exchanged a handful of words at the Atlantic side of a crosswalk on the street bounding the northern half of campus from the west. I do not know why and how she reached that encounter as she did, and it was obvious from the infinitesimally unchanged velocities of both arrivals and departures both that not much remained to be spoken, although here's what I'd have loquacised instead of my actual words, an the nighttime traffic prevented her from crossing to the FBMC atop those cut stone steps:

    "I am  on my way  to the chapel,  and for
reasons better left  unspecified, I hope to
reduce my use of  words therein; although I
am  likely to  recite,  speak, sing,  pick,
strum and  quite possibly even  respond to,
my dear critics, I do  hope that I may hear
preach. Should  you find that the  doors of
the  conservatory have  been locked  by the
time you  reach them,  know that  you'll be
welcome  to take  shelter in  the service's
audience, listening and speaking as you see
fit,  until such  time  as  your return  is
expected at the dormitory."
Lessons From Niccolo
leashed un 2019-11-28
    The following post is dedicated mostly to my teachers:
of languages, both classical and modern, both kicking sand
... otherwise who'd roll their eyes, sinning in their urn
upon realizing the importance I place then and do now heap
upon their efforts, may their efforts outshine the stars?

During the past summer, I encountered another one of those perennial botherances: the friendcount. Despite my casual evasion attempt, my interlocutor graciously insisted upon an answer from the ranges of simple integers -- known to you, perhaps, as the "Natural Numbers", at the perennial behest of Dear ACK and Other Keepers of That Ineffable Flame -- tallied in any manner deemed appropriate, leaving algorithmic details to be disclosed at my later discretion. I answered that question honestly, although imprecisely, despite the everpresent temptation to properly discredit the question as meaningless.

        "You're answering so slowly,


I laughed, possibly allowing that little spinner to headshot its way down my nose, finally retorting:

"The trouble's not thinking of the people. That's easy. The trouble's doing the math. For example,"

At which point some variation on the olde Navy SEAL copypasta'd be appropriate, echoing from the source like Pink's wife's verse in Ezrin's ultima, since as I've frequently attested, the most conservable resource is thought to be thought to be thought!!

"Actually, this is how math is done. You know that sketch about those who merely 'like' science, staring at its ass while it sciences along, waiting for someone else to actually do the damn science? Well, this is how the mathematics getshishshelph done! Rote memorization of another's proofs, imperial as be their names may be, won't add not one single bit to entropy, not even one. Entropy, as you've likely too soon discovered, is only collected when recollecting an error."

Simplex Two: The Discipline of Forgetting
leashed un 2019-06-25 13:57
tense that I rote but then wished I hadn't,
- Jacopo Belbo
- Umberto's Echo

There! I've gone and done it now: intentionally misquoted a master at his art, and at the coward's time, too: well, after the man is dead, anyone can say he said something that he didn't say and all you'll get is an estate tax attack.

Umberto claimed, from the recorded words attributed to a fictional antehero, that there's no discipline of forgetting, for the sort of information that oft chills our minds at quite the nonlocal mesoform, although metastable upon fine inquiry. Let me only mention that there are forgetful folk, and forgettable peoples, and before I've even extrapolated that individuals pervade the entire basis, you've gone and read too far: you may become unforgetten, if you'd like it ior not, and the only hope left is that the... oh, megabytes of variance - heritable, discernable, once twice thrice differentiable yet no further! Cease, fair Pandora, for I stocked that box so scantly that you'll wonder whither why.

Spaniards At An Inquisition
leashed un 2019-05-16T0200

Karl, Max, and... well, Ludwig (for lack of a better blamehole) walk out of the pub, because two have a beef and the third sold books on who'll win it. There's cold rain pooled in the alleyway's cracked pavement, flowing softly towards the gutter as the warm rain overflows the bounds, ripple by reflected ripple, but the clamouring boots make quick work of those cesspools, forming a ring around our three champions.

After a brief verbal dispute regarding directions perpendicular to the compass rose, as pertains to belts, and the sportsmanship of a flail improvised from a belt terminated by an oversized buckle, the clamour calls for a less partial referee, so Mycroft fishes out a brace of shattered glasses, a well-rotten dishrag, and an intact bottle of 202-proof rum, for use as emergency disinfectant.

Details of the fight are available upon request from eyewitnesses, although allegedly the subsequent claimants of stubs from the well-made books were glad to demonstrate exactly what happened; all I know is that once the salted plasma flowed so freely that none present could distinguish one pavestone from the next, Mycroft took aside the winner.

"See that river, into which yon gutter drains?"

The winner nods.

"Here's your Planck, and I never want to see you on this side of it ever again."

leashed un 2019-05-15 01:45

Barely over a decade ago, I had my conversation last (at the time of this writing) with an inspiration - words don't do him justice, so I'll use as few as possible, though fallibility and fatalism compel the use of a few extra. I don't remember our full exchange - for it took place over minutes scattered down the hours and years, blown across forest trails, grassy diamonds, and endlessly flowing pitch, level for a fleeting lifetime - so I'll avoid quoting the exact words leading to the following misinterpretations, although if reinterpret them you must, I recommend that you do so with the assistance of one or more of the locutors present at the time of that speaking...

1. If you must shoot, shoot to kill.
2. If your first shot isn't likely to kill, make sure you're sufficiently familiar with the firearm that you can send off a handful.
3. Kill with at least one bullet.
4. Don't be the guy who gets shot in his sleep on the beach.
5. Don't write that book.
6. If you must enlist, think once; think twice; and enlist.

He is quite likely to have meant at least one of those interpretations, and someday I hope to ask him which of those unintended were not incorrect.

On The Objective Indestructability Of Documentation
leashed un 2019-05-04 2019
   Рукописи не горят. ,,
- Михаиле Булгакове

Before the lies begin, I'd like to anchor this speculation partway through a conversation that actually did occur, somewhere near the Euclidean midpoint between the cafeteria of the modern languages building and the best vantage point on campus, although you'd have to use a proprietarily-weighted geometry for the mean calculation to land in the talking-aloud part of the relevant library, rather than the graveyard floors; and the talking indeed was allowed, and loud, and lewd, but the rudest dude was in too good a mood to tell the future doctors to act their age, so she and I spoke as soft as we could, short of actually whispering, while that orgy of sophomoric ineptitude raged in the rest of the room.

"You should've left a notebook", she scolded. "If you'd left a notebook at this desk, like I left one at mine, then nobody would've taken your seat."

I shrugged away the matter, for the setting sun's image, crawling up the opposed wall, bathed in its soft glow the gradually emptying room, and there was now no shortage of computers. I sat where I had before, and loaded a questionably-obtained digital reproduction of the documentation in question.

Seeing where my attention went, she asked: "You're studying from the book instead of the class materials?"

I nodded, launching into an endless paean to the greatness of the book, rapidly terminated thanks to her impatient impoliteness, likely diagnosable as attention deficit disorder by the moronic future-professionals who so recently had rendered the room entirely unfit for studying.

"Have you ever seen her book?"

Instead of asking whether she meant the author's personal copy, or some library's well-worn copy, filled with the hints and tears of past generations, I shook my head; words were rapidly becoming quite an expensive commodity to spend, as I had entered the lexical storm of an organic chemistry textbook's contents table, and needed every drop of dopamine on task.

"If it's such a good book, and you like it so much, why don't you buy it?"

At which point, I must've made some joke about how I'd rather buy her, even though she hadn't read a single page of that book, than a book that is too heavy for her to survive having dropped on her head; although I doubt I'd have survived getting the pavement dropped on my head from the height of that room; although not claiming to have said that means that the only lie in this post is the fact that it is tagged as such.

In closing, I'll elide the book's title, as there are half a dozen different works with the same name in just the first page of search results, although I will mention that the author came to be known as "Bruice Almighty".

With Kind Regards To Future Students Of The Distant Past
leashed un 2019-04-23 0648

As you may be aware, efforts are underway to revisit, comprehend, and ultimately digitize the unpublished research notes logged by the pseudonym allegedly signed as Borodin, no mean feat given the centurial culture barriers blasted apart by the brave volunteers. Although Alexander Shulgin may have cast open landscapes innumerable of both the imaginary manifestations of reality, and the physical attainment of hitherto mere amorphisms, he also found himself at the precipice of a language chasm deep yet narrow: for example, had he needed to verify that his friends and relations could recognize lexicographic racemization in eightth-bit-cleaned compilations of IUPAC nomenclatures - or worse yet, disclaim their own proficiencies in one or another of such disassembly exercises - he may have never encountered the question of how exactly "2CB" decompiles as "brominated two-carbon notafueladditive"... if you're still reading, there's a chance that you remember what I have forgot.

In the hope of finding common understanding, recognizing the preexisting conceptual landscape, and not getting too worked up about whether discussion of how many concepts this list contains is conversation or syllogism, I'll elaborate upon last semester's practical work, starting with my quick rephrasing of instructor comments regarding an educational recreation of four experiments performed just over one hundred years ago, all of which exhibited at the time of their publication an unexpected degree of discontinuity, despite the prevailing theories regarding the nature of the underlying continua:

nb: comments  and grades for either  student could
apply to the other,  since they worked together on
all  parts of  these experiments,  interpretation,
and presentation

in the first week, you arrived prepared,
with questions about  the apparati. your
elucidations of  the prevailing theories
improved markedly in the second week.

in computing the  statistical expectation values,
you performed several  computations yet presented
the  results of  only one.  merely listing  which
source measurements caused statistical failure is
unacceptable,  without   discussion  of  possible
reasons  for  each measurement's  exclusion,  and
the   preassembled   wiring   of   the   provided
electromotive forcing apparatus and documented in
the reference notes.

your presentation of  the results suffered as
a consequence  of disclosing  choices leading
to the samples  ultimately correlated against
the  prevailing  theory, a  disclosure  which
reduced  the  time available  for  discussing
alternative wirings.

your reference  notebooks are  incomplete: roughly
half  consisted of  rephrasings of  the prevailing
theory, and you could have saved ink by specifying
one  of  the  previously   published  works  as  a
reference standard; and you  failed to detail your
rationale  for  choices  made  during  experiment,
computation, and debriefing.

Since my final grade in that semester was lower than that given by this instructor, above the minimal level considered passing although regrettably closer to that than the perfect score, and quite satisfactory given my policies for allocating study time and mental effort for schoolwork, I consider that to have been a good learning experience.

Incidentally, the numbers relevant for rendering the previous reflection against the one percent decimal background across half a year of an arbitrary sparse set of the distinguished portion of a fourfold metric are: '#(63 89 76 87 30 84)

Reconstructing the machine that produced such a trace is neither trivial nor ...

... and in case you were wondering, the four experiments are all spanned by attempts to measure Ohmic impedance of fluids (e.g. Helium, Hydrargyrum) dilute well past chemical inertness, and modulation of such measurements by the nature of the irradiation upon the circuit component emitting the lepton.

With Apology (Singular!) To Robert Frost
leashed un 2019-04-12 T400
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there,

And both that morning equally lay,
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

... at least, that's how I found the undergrown, overbent one, winding 'twixt excessive capitals, elided punctuals, and italicized in a painstaking digital tribute to merchandise sold in the author's name, and guessing by the author's fame, the trees may not have died in vain.

Here's an other:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry I could not travel both,
and be one traveler, long I stood.
I looked down one as far as I could,
to where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim...
for it was grassy, and wanted wear!
Though as for that: my glancing glare

They both that morning equally lay,
in leaves no step had trodden black,
so I kept the first for another day;
yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubt that I shall ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh,
somewhere ages and oceans hence:
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the dif-fer-ence."

In case you're wondering: "Here's an other" is not an intentional anachronism for the sake of clockmelt, but rather a transliteration from Hebrew.

O'Reilly Bubbles Via Sehr Viel Angwandtestoffmatrixen, Naturlich
leashed un 2019-03-15T1234

Check out this 8bit-clean compactification of notes, written by mine own hand, during a recent seminar delivered for the organic chemistry department, on the subject of academic publication, by a doctor named Neville Compton, who spoke as representative of a publication conglomerate; out of respect for the academic process, and the prudence necessary for correctness, I will give credit where credit is due, although the full names of audience members are not disclosed out of respect for their privacy:

2019-02-18T15:42:33
notes during SOC Seminar, 2019-02-14T15:00
Dr Neville Compton von Ang.Che, EIC
'forest vs trees' cf numbers: Erdos, Bacon...
worandie Bell curve for the Nobel graph?
unidimensional academic noise: launch/land density of journals/societies

didimensional  research   mappings:  lat/long   are  only   relevant  at
lowest&highest resolutions, languages  (of publications&conferences) are
more relevant

'What Would Hipassus Publish?'

re:  publication (cf  lateral  vs longitudinal  communication, ie,  3+1-
metric): "language  all over the place",  in abstracts (and the  rest of
the paper),  he means that  authors conflate vernaculars  with 'standard
english' [noshit.gif]

"none of  our editors are active  in research"
cf tenure - academic vs editorial

"publication  ethics"  academic ethics  from  the
editor's  perspective: plagiarism,  misdirection,
interest conflicts, exclusivity violations (in no
particular order)

journals use antifraud software!? drywear!? what idiocy is this.
'who will fuzz the fuzzers?'
Editor's Note:
Please do not shout from the gallery!

datafraud  detection: are  graphics considered
wrt  viewing on  screens, printed,  or as  raw
data? this I asked at  the end, and he claims:
they've  only launched  systems for  raw data,
and are still mulling over presentation forms.

citation DAG: prune early, prune often!

reviewers are not necessarily a blindable factor,
so  journals  (at  least,   those  owned  by  his
conglomerate) consider author recommendations and
interest-conflict disclosures

"new  vs  innovative"  -  what's  the  difference
between  'novation'  and   innovation?   this  is
'patent   nonsense',  mais   c'est  pumpernickle!
everything becomes FeNi when it's all fini.

journals respond in a  variety of manners, rejection
does  not necessarily  mean the  research itself  is
invalid, and could just  be an opportunity to revise
its  draft for  publication; often  the editor  will
offer comments  (their own,  and/or based  on peers'
reviews)  elaborating  why  exactly  the  draft  was
rejected   rather  than   accepted  with   suggested
modifications.

speaker presents a  "pyramid" graphic, reminiscent of
food pyramid,  but I, sitting aside  Umberto's ashes,
think of that trivial Manutius<->Garamond pingpong...

editors accept responsibility for  the whole review ensemble's
opinions, thus  suffering appeals,  blames, etc: they  are the
diplomats of academia!   the manager-psychologists, calm-skinn
ed thick-headed lizards, soaking up environmental energy.

What would Malaclypse do?

social  media leads  to rapid  dispersal yet  also to  rapid
fragility  of   shifts  (cf  orders  of   phase  transition,
fragility in the literal, engineering sense)

... at which point, RA  comments in tangential response to
NC's question "if you hadda earna million pounds in twenty
seconds,  what  would  jesus  do?" that  he'd  ask  for  a
fistbump.

initially  I misinterpret,  since RA  and I  communicate as
silently as  practical, knowing  that the  entire classroom
hears our every  word, as I do not  whisper, and superfluid
tetranucleomers do not sign.

my interpretation entails social media's brittlifaction of
the infosphere as arising from electrodynamics in a manner
similar to friction.

final  thought,  before  stage is  opened  for  audience
questions:  the challenge  of  'social engineering'  the
publication process  hinges upon an editor's  (thus also
their peers')  susceptib ility  to influence  by 'screen
numbers', i.e., number of followers. not all numbers are
created equal, although some numbers are more equal than
others!
                      Postscriptum:

The documentation processor aimed at
conventions  wherein  a  doublequote
indicates  speech by  the presenter,
and    a    singlequote    indicates
stenographer neologism.
We Told These Proofs 2B-Selfevident
leashed un 2019-03-09T1437
nota bene:
- please include statement to be proven, at top of file,
- along with the assumptions deemed indispensible,
- not necessarily in that order.
- thank you

*** 1a1 student
assumed:
- field of positive integers
- from which, logarithms are extracted at a sufficiently high base
- autopsist has enough humorsense to creatively disinterpret names
of chosen variables in the context of locally-smooth metrics.
- the integer constants in this exercise had historical meanings
for the current operator of the autopsy machine.
*** 1a2 student
simulated:
- piled cannonballs until reaching closed-form series collapse
likely assumptions:
- familiarity with common integer sequences
**** for the benefit of Mr Kite:
there will be a show tonight, with cannonballs.
how about these classes of complexity computation?
- i. naturals are either a constant, or sums of a constant.
- ii. triangles are sums of all consecutive positive integers.
- iii. squares are sums of two consecutive triangular numbers.
- iv. square pyramids are sums of all consecutive square numbers.
- v. now, you are thinking with exponential implosions.

The remainder of the proof mistranslations are left as an exercise for the future.

Cutters at a Deposition
leashed un 2019-03-07T319

Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty walk into a bar; not at the same time, of course, and most likely through different doors, on different days of weeks occasionally synchronized and often wholly missing, until after a decade of such temporal anisotropy, they wind up sitting as near as politely possible: as philosophers dine, they've left an empty stool betwixt for the Lady, and scattered charms to ward off bad tramps and divert the ones in need of redirection.

Since it's been centuries since The Fall, cancellation, reboot, shoot, toot, and least importantly, endless academic deconstructivism of the theological substrate radiation and reflexive mechanical reassembly of leftover operators, they end up discussing that long-lost mutual friend, that lalalamamafaka: General Relativity.

Sherlock does do his best, but Moriarty is asking the questions this time. Soon enough, Mycroft finishes pouring a trivially hypergeometric shuralgebraic or two, slaps'em down on the bar without a drop spilled, not before instinctively ensuring that its level plane is locally flat, soft yet insufficiently malleable to serve as an example of ductility, brittle yet not enough to crack under the stress and strain of tension and solvation, and most importantly, roughened imperceptibly to their fingertips by abrasion against shattered glass and feathering tools.

Silence reigns. You can hear every conversation, for a distemporal ephemerality.

Mycroft scatters compasses of all parities, arbitrarily parting the arrangement with an unwieldy doubly straightedged knife upon which are engraved the words:

TERMINVS EST
Flagratin Imaginacon
leashed un 2019-02-17 0947
   You got me!

... but "the story is true", so I'll tell it the way it should have happened, and leave the retrosynthetic ungineering to the paralegal information police:

Shortly after entering some fast-track research program at the chemistry school of the exact sciences department at Tel Aviv University, expressely advertised in their printed materials as being aimed at those most enterprising youths who's life goals found themselves radically shifted outta the transcendental extension after Breaking Bad, I found myself sitting in a lecture hall watching that cool genius preparing to hold forth on the local consequences of immutable truths, while excitable students chattered all about me as I silently lamented the vanishing chance I'd ever recalibrate the long-abandoned disparser.

HER: I'm so hungry! I'm so bored! I'm so, so, so...
HIM: Oh, you're hungry? I had such an amazing breakfast today, if you'd stayed the night like I wish I'd offered you to, I would've denatured you some eggs like you always wished.
HER: ...!
HIM: Yeah, no joke. Sunny-side up, over-easy, scrambled, any style you like... they're all dead, long dead, and delicious. The only problem is that it takes so long to cook properly: you need to first spend about a life and a half learning the art, and another seven generations amassing familial wealth that will allow your children to train in the same, and then you actually need to allocate time for the work itself!
HER: Wha---

At which point I leaned my phonicone in their direction:

ME: You can save a few seconds in your daily egging by using only one hand per egg. Trivial once mastered, and you've got an entire life to practice, neh?
HER: [spinning round] Ahhhh, I bet YOU are the chef who went back to cooking school!

Damnit, Lady, doan blow ma cover; shut up and listen to the man teach kinetics!

Against The Grain
leashed un 2019-02-17 0930

In the time that's passed since the last nucleation radiation, forces dark and wondrous have conspired to invalidate the crumbly metaphor, forcing the use of another. What's the use? Rice won't refuse, scattered by the handful or sleeping, steeping, waiting for thermobaric renaturation, perhaps hoping for a date with the polite intestine... or merely biochemical amylysis; what a ruse!

1. Cutoff Time
2. Anaquachromancy
3. What's That Trash?
4. Shelter From The Worm
5. Diamond Anvil Recycling
6. Monarchy Retirement Plan
7. Who's Bass Is It, Anyway?
8. Donald Rumsfeld's Omission
Collaborative Thermodynamics
leashed un 2019-02-02 0532

"Let us learn to joke... then perhaps we
shall love the truth.  But let us beware
of telling our jokes till they have been
bettered by the wakes of conversation."

- l'Ourobohr


Just as compressing a fluid past a first-order phase transition inevitably catalyzes hitherto unemerged phenomena, so will the aggressed square-packing of a lecture hall eventually collide the elliptic peg with a dodecahedral hole; for although most students, whether having undergone graduation like so much unwashed glassware, or yet bearing the whips and scorns of time-worn institutions, resemble Euclid's nonsense better than a brick of solid oxygen, the rare exceptions emerge differently shaped from the factory schools. Amusing in retrospect as may be the lattice defects that emerge from such collisions, they do tend to strain the participants.

I found myself sitting right near the audience geocenter, a similar-humored friend at my left having dogged me to my seat, which I had picked not due to its vacancy, but due to the occupant to its right. I'd yet to speak with her, but thanks to the curse of uncorrected distance hearing, I'd heard enough to tumble headfirst down the slippery slope of puppy infatuation: she'd related to friends of the same dual-major that her new hobby was treating her daily dogpark visits as the opportunity to meet Mr Right. Sadly, I had no familiar canine excuse to present myself to her in such a manner, having parted ways from my best friend two years earlier. Reminding myself that even if we'd met while watching our dogs sniff eachother's butts, we probably wouldn't be imitating them right away, instead wasting countless kilolitres of air exchanging nonsense in the hope of breaking the proverbial ice (or at the very least, thawing it out a little).

Naturally, somatic vessel of the flaggelar germline that I am, I sought an opening; and naturally, being bored to death (and back again) of the inane claptrap flapping about between the well-packed squares all around, I sought an original opening. As I fished for worthwhile words, she began fishing for the right pen in her cute little case... on which were printed, in block capitals, three to a side, the words:


SO MUCH WORK
SO LITTLE TIME


... which, in case you're unfamiliar with the physical sciences, is the six-word story of everything we learned that semester. Blinded by coincidence, I blurted out a shot from the hip, taking the time to neither draw nor even greet my opponent: "... that a special case for thermodynamics class?"

Her response, short and sweet, was painfully close to "LOL!", but lo and behold: she elided that second coronal lateral fricative as an unpronouncable terminal phoneme, leaving instead the last first word a man wants to hear.

Competitive Snorodynamics
leashed un 2019-01-19 1403

"WE EVEN HAVE EARMUFFS, IF ANY OF YOU WANT A COUPLE."

Fine, the rest of this story will not contain shouted words, although the use of CamelCase at the start of sentences may be preserved; anyway, it pertains to a multiple-choice exam sat by the author recently, where the primary hindrance presented to the students consisted of FAA-compliant noise. Noting that nobody needed even a single muff, the proctor glanced at my choice of seating.

"You're left-handed?"

I nod, scattering allergens to assure the poison sniffers that the correct ghola had showed up for the Mentat Bowl, and prudently leave my cheating machines concealed yet readily accessible. Another proctor kindly wished me good luck, although the whorls of spacetime conspired me to think of the all-too-recent practice wherein children were forced to conform to seating limitations regardless of neurology. Ah well, we all bleed our age one way or another.

"Good luck!" said just about everyone, whether aloud, to themselves, or just to pretend they hadn't run out of mere politeness (quite the scarce resource).

Eventually, I notice a unital (as opposed to unitary, i.e. dimensional) discrepancy. These buggers are pernicious, especially when the exam purports to pertain to the physical sciences, but in truth does not contain a single SI-qualified value, opting instead for alphabet soup interspersed with "happy particles". I flag down a passing professor.

"You have a question for this one?", he mimes, doubtlessly thinking of the overworked teaching assistant.

"YES, YOU SILLY GOOSE, WHO ELSE?" I shout at nobody in particular, while nodding silently to respect the silence theater quivering at the brink of metastability. He walks over, punts my question at the nearest underspecified constant, and wanders off to give polite hints to less helpful questioners.

I guess it's time for me to eat more rotting fructose, since competitive thermodynamics is an awfully energy-consuming game: time is in finite supply, proportioned according to the Cayley-Hamilton nulleph (if you've got that sphere mapped; if you don't, please do: see Poincare's cut if you've already passed Dedekind). I don't blame that professor for my inevitable failure at this exam, as he'd actually given quite a helpful hint: he could tell I was asking for him to make a public clarification regarding a sloppily-worded question, the correct answer to which was painfully obvious, so he instead reminded me that the Grand Canon controlls how many ells deep drinks the spider.

Teacup - empty; birdseed - messy; orange - too flagrant a juicy snack, and there's still half the alloted time left! What could I possibly do now, other than start to actually work out the silly little calculus exercises? Maybe asking the proctors to unplug the noisy desktop computer fanning itself for no apparent reason, or at the very least tell us which prion it was busy refolding for the good of humanity, although somehow I suspect the answer to that would've been closer to:

Hush, little baby; don't say a word!
... never mind that noise you heard.
It's just the wormholes in your ear,
crawling thru that strength we fear.

At which point, the student to my right gets up, hands in his papers, and moves to leave.

"No! Stay!" quoth an audience member, who had elected to sit the exam undercover, out of true respect for the process.

"Sorry, honey, I've got a plane..." he replies, politely ignoring her "Can't it wait?" as he glides out, better than the most professional of bettors.

At least the desktop had decided to continue cooking its motherboard in silence by the time our friendly noisemaker began running his own fans overhead.

"Three Hues Collide", and a Mellow OOPS
leashed un 2019-01-18 0400

Lying along the shoals of inattentiveness, listening to each phonon (yes, I know how to use that word uncorrectly, too;) surf along the pitch black glideway, way below, I realize I've begun overhearing yet another conversation that never happened.

TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU KNOW ME FROM SCHOOL, YOU MIGHT KNOW THESE PEOPLE TOO; ONLY THE WORDS, LEXEMES, AND CORRELATES HAVE BEEN CHANGED, TO PROTECT THE PRIVACY OF THE UNNOTICED AND THE SANCTITUDE OF YOUR MIND.

Three doctors - of philosophy, naturally - are quibbling over which rights to violate when administering the exam, in the hope that one will be sufficiently distrauchted by some best jest that a quick bid for the silverware could be made.

Quoth the theoretician: "First of all, the exam must be as fair as possible; all students who are required to pass the exam, must have an uncorrelated likelihood of passing the exam, and any students who wish to pass the exam, must have an uncorrelated likelihood of passing the exam, and any correlations arising unintentionally must be uncorrelated with each other correlate, in so far as --"

He's been interrupted by now: "That's a load of nonsense. You've written the exam by now, so why don't you tell us what's unfair about it? Noone will be judging you. Why don't you... do it in the code?"

Before he can deliver the correct, coherent, counterpoint, the third one suggests: "Any unfairness unavoidable in the exam should be biased in favor of those students who have attended lectures, in some power per portion of time wasted together."

"WHAT!?" is the inevitable reply, so he continues, explaining exactly what he means: "The exam is unfair, and always will be, so I'd rather at least encourage us to all waste our time together. I don't want academics to devolve into each student spending a semester in a silent sterile cube with a pay-per-view port to some quintessence datahose and a shelf full of dead-tree graffiti painstakingly curated by some long-dead Adlai."

Silence. You could hear a pin drop, land right-way up, and blow up the tire of the next hrududu blundering down the street (and what a fine alarm clock that'd be!).

"Did you just use a student's name as an expletive?", asked the practician of theoretical jurisprudence.

"Yes, because we all know exactly what I meant by that; if you have a problem with what I said, say whatever you want instead, but let me finish my gottanjecture."

Six Jokes Define A Cynic[al engineer]
leashed un 2018-09-21 00:00:00
1. The Oldest Joke In The World

PONGO: I'm having trouble meeting my creditors!
BINGO: I say, dash it! To be precise,.: who wouldn't?
2. The Blessed Joke In The World

Historical note: the following joke has been heavily revised from the original version, which contained a punchline so wholly unamusing that it has repelled the Island of Stability even further away from me.

Two blonde med students walk out of the biochem final.

One says, "That damn final question!  What was he
thinking, asking us to name the single most important
element for the continuation of life as we know it,
and justify our choice? Such a dumb question only
Philosophers of Semiotics could get wrong."

The other replies, "I know, right? It's obviously
Phosphorous." The first stops, and finally speaks,
quavering in fear: "What are you talking about?
It's clearly that one metal, I keep forgetting
its name.  Do you remember what's the ligand
of methylcobolamine?"

Ignoring her question, the dumb one blurts out:
"Vitamins are important, sure, but wouldn't you
agree that no energy transfers can occur without
the near-equilibrium thermodynamics of driven
fluctuations in those octokisdekaphosphomers?"
3. The Most Expensive Joke To Not Get

SATOSHI: Ya like DAGs?
GAUTAMA: Ja sed also sprache posztifly towards Cat.
4. The Most Obscure Joke In The World

Q: What can you say about the special unitary samana squaredance?
A: Don't get it sandy! (might be all we have to eat...)
5. The Politest Joke I'll Ever Type

... with apologies to nobody in particular!
Stay Where, Pop?
leashed un 2018-04-15 20:22:07

Content Warning: This post contains a renovated memory. It is an attempt to recollect things said and done during the day which I consider yesterday.

Two main arteries skirt the coast between the clavicle and lower jawbone of the self-styled "Jewish Democracy", aptly numbered two and four (since without them, they can't even, you know, get anywhere). Unlike oxygen-rich blood, licentially-poor cripples can cycle pretty much anywhere they like, blazing capillaries across any barriers surmountable (within the limits of reason, physics, and decorum). Somewhere midway between where the first route (that's Road Two to you) lefts South and the city puns itself divinely away from its founder's pronomen, lies Seas City, a rather hivelike glass-and-cement factory for storage, feeding, and production of humans. Parks and fountains line the southwestern edges, one of the latter bearing a bold sign strictly prohibiting any entrance to the water (which runs less than finger-deep and more than crystal-clear).

I had to break that recommendation twice: once, to pick up the garbage that the idiot cubs left behind (and other idiot cubs also left behind, when I suggested that they, having already broken the recommendation, pick up the other cubs' crap); and secondly, to fish out my dumb-smart phone, which continued working despite falling face-down (until thirty hours later, when it suddenly remembered some wetness deep within). While smugly wiping moisture off the outer surfaces, gloating that my phone was so dumb that it could still work after such a dip, some Brit and brought its cubs to play the 'Hop around on the fountain without breaking the recommendation' game.

Adlai: Where are you from?
Brit: London
Adlai: Ahh. I'm from... wait, let's see if you remember your heraldry.
Brit: Wales?
Brit: Ahh. Stay there!