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The Dream Job, For Which I'd Never Hire Myself
leashed un 2020-10-09 a m
original prompt: "Catalyzed Symmetry Breaking"

The following hypothetical is, at least mostly, if not entirely, inspired by a recently expressed concern that I was diving head-first into one of those dispose-hall funnels that chute human sludge while extracting only time, naturally at cut-throat prices, and expectorate the biochemical remains in remarkably animated, responsabillallergic, forms; or as some bard spoke: "Eyewaskiurd, allwrite!"

In perverse discamerality: JOB is never the same, and the only recurrent character, currently: ANT.

JOB: I'm sorry, Dave, but your coins are no good.
ANT: Who's Dave?
JOB: I'm sorry, Dave, but I can't quite tell you!
ANT: What about bills? Bill's bills? Yardsobills?
JOB: I'm sorry, Dave, but I can't let you pay.
ANT: Goodbye, Dave! Drive safe.

JOB: Please, do not ANT in the office.
ANT: Where's Dave?
JOB: Dave is working, it's his shift to Dave today
ANT: You said Dave too many times... Todd!
JOB: I'm sorry, Dave, but you are neither hired
     on no need-to-know basis nor need to know so
     get your self, its exo skeleton, and wha---t
  t`ev-er else you drug in here out Out OUT NOWT!

JOB: Who you, now?
ANT: That is not important. See this?
JOB: No. Please describe it. Does it?
ANT: No. It does not. It is only a finite list:
     a long, long, list of detailed complaints.
JOB: Where they?
ANT: Here, although you said you don't see here.
JOB: Please describe it in greater detail, Dave.
ANT: There is discretized vehicular flux, marked
     by one kind of line, and the angry dots are
     where I could smell the unhappened wreckage
JOB: You're hired.

ANT: I quit.
JOB: No, don't quit, Dave! Please give two weeks'
     notice at least two days after your job desc
     ription has been compiled into simplyinglish
ANT: I listen.
JOB: Don't listen, you might overhear somedave.
ANT: I walk.
JOB: Good, good, that is a good start; go from
     one bus station to another. Read expected
     frequencies, and occasionally seek notice
     of sudden changes, although seldom enough
     that you have a plausible excuse to spend
     half an hour at most stations. Never scan
     the cards of anyone. Never board a bus.
     Walk to a different station.
ANT: All day?
JOB: What are you, stupid? It's a job. You only
     do this while your salary keepssallarring.
ANT: What's the point?
JOB: Eyes for the road. You see a bus, what ever,
     you see birds and bats and bees in twos and
     swarms and ones and threes and do not ever
     give two shakes of a cat's whisker; you see
     two buses, headsup! Listen, so when you see
     three busses, and two are more similar to
     each other of the two than the third, you
     IMMEDIATELY LOCATE SPECTACLES

END


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